My sweet Rams,
Once again I am confounded by conventions of speech and the limits of language. Time and time again I catch myself wanting to say, "I wish he was here." I don't always mean the same thing, though, even though it comes out the same every time.
"Man, I wish Ramsy was here." What do I mean?
I mean that I wish for you to be beside me in the van.
That I saw a meadowlark and want to tell you.
That I need your help around the house and yard.
That I am not used to being in a certain setting without you.
That I want your perspective on something I am thinking about.
That I'm cold.
Tired.
Doing something out of my comfort zone.
That I ran into someone you were friends with.
That it's no fun watching our favourite show without you laughing beside me.
That you would have words of encouragement for the people in the group I'm with, where I am at a loss.
That I wish our kids could feel your hand on their shoulders and hear you saying again how proud you are of them.
Or that they are driving me craaaaaaaaazy!
That they want me to take them to an action movie and you would enjoy it so much more than I would.
That I drove past Starbucks.
I heard a choir sing.
Ate some chips.
Sometimes I mean, "You did this thing better than me. I'm not good at this."
Sometimes I mean, "The sound of your voice on the phone made me feel better."
Sometimes I mean, "It was so much fun watching you have fun."
Always I mean, "I miss your presence."
xoS.
