It's interesting to look back over my projects (some photography, some journaling, some art journaling, some collage) and see how this word applied to me at various points. There were times when it was an encouragement to me and spurred me forward. Sometimes I was able to move towards a challenging task in my life simply because I knew others were doing the same. Sometimes, though, I felt absolutely defeated by this word. All through the summer it seemed that all the things I had determined to rise above - stress, fear, chaos, uncertainty, weariness - were just settling with their immense weight and not moving.
Then autumn hit, and a switch to full-time teaching for the first time in 18 years, and my word simply dropped off my radar. Each month I would open the emailed assignment, think, "Oh, cool," and completely forget about it. Finally now, in this past two days, I have had the energy to look at the projects again and finish them. The 12th one, which I did tonight, asks me to look back over the year and reflect on my experience with this word.
Wow. I can hardly believe the things I've tackled this year: creative projects. Speaking engagements. Adjusting to half-time, then full-time teaching. Renovating my daughter's room. Organizing the re-siding of our house. Planning a summer trip to BC. Unexpected water in the basement right during report cards. Challenging relationships. Being presented with opportunities I had to learn to say "no" to. Kids' talent shows/dance lessons/band-or-choir concerts/campus visits/college decisions/sports/camp/jobs/appointments. And many of these things were the first time I had done them without Ramsy. Oh, right. No wonder I was tired. No wonder I questioned my own capabilities. No wonder I constantly felt pushed out of my comfort zone. Because I was constantly pushed out of my comfort zone.
And now I look at that word- rise- and think, "I did it." I made it through the year. I pushed through the doubts and challenges and moments of collapse and found my way. I grew. I missed Ramsy in new ways and still survived. I made amazing new friends. I tried new things. I let my heart be light. I laughed. I got to be silly. I was reminded that God would not drop me and walk away. And I don't know that I would have recognized all of this if I hadn't had the chance to look hard. I'm still in the middle of some really hard things, but seeing this strengthens me to push through. Thanks, Ali.
And hello there, 2014.
