Rise

On my bedroom wall is a collection of sticky notes with the word “rise” written on them.  They are there to remind me of the theme word I’ve chosen for this year in Ali Edwards’ online class One Little Word.  In this class, which I signed up for at the beginning of the year, you select a word that represents something important to you: an area of change, or of encouragement, a quality you want to develop in yourself, a challenge you want to set for yourself.  Each month through the year, Ali sets an assignment that helps you to be mindful of your word, to explore its various meanings, and to see evidence of it in your life. 
It’s been so interesting, and many times surprising, to see how this has played out for me so far.  It’s surprising how this word connects in such varied ways to my thoughts and attitudes and circumstances.  I chose it both as an encouragement to myself- a word of hope- and also as a challenge.  It certainly functions as both.  It reminds me, “You can do it,” and it says, “Get up off your keister and do it.”  It helps me redirect and reshape my thinking, particularly that inner dialogue that we engage in without being conscious of it.

This is something that Ramsy used to do for me when he was here.  He often had more confidence in me than I had in myself, or saw character traits that I didn’t recognize on my own.  Once, about 13 years ago, he and I attended a leadership conference with some other staff members from the church he worked at, and in which I ran a drama group.  All the staff spouses came along, and in my mind I was just there as the wife of a leader.  That is the filter through which I listened to every speaker, relating what they said to Ramsy’s role and work.  At some point in the conference, he asked me what I was learning.  I replied that most of it didn’t apply to me, and he said, “It does apply to you.  You are a leader.  You need to start thinking of yourself as a leader.” 

Wow- there’s a paradigm shift for you!  He completely changed my perspective by telling me what he saw in me.  And that’s just one instance of how he urged me on and encouraged me and pressed me forward.  Sometimes it was uncomfortable.  It’s hard to change and grow.  Sometimes I couldn’t really see what he saw.  He wouldn’t give up, though.  He believed that I could teach, write, speak, learn to play piano a different way, lead a group, run a Sunday School, learn to use tools and figure things out and relate in a new style and see things from a positive angle rather than a negative one.  And so now I can.

I miss his voice.  It’s hard to do new things without him telling me the whole way, “You can do it.”  But I have supportive friends who say similar things to me, and I am learning to notice when I need that voice and to say to myself: Rise to the challenge.  Rise in impossible circumstances.  Let your hopes rise.  Rise on eagle’s wings.  Don't be afraid.  It will be alright.  Remember Isaiah 30:18 - The Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion.