4 FAQs

There are some questions that come up pretty consistently when people are talking to me, so I thought I'd share the answers with everyone here since I can't talk to all of you personally.

1.  How are the kids?  I asked them what the best way is to answer this question, and happily their response matched what I had come up with- always a relief to know that I am reading them correctly!  The kids are, like me, missing Ramsy but the sadness is not constant.  It comes and goes unexpectedly and some days are more intense than others, but they are managing.  I am so very thankful for the other supportive adults they have in their lives who help them to navigate their new reality and express themselves.  I am also thankful that each of the kids has said things to me (comments or questions or admissions) which show that they trust me with their feelings.  There is lots going on under the surface and it's good that they let that show sometimes.

2.  Are you staying in Oakville or moving?  Staying.  We feel at home here, and well supported, and it would be difficult to uproot ourselves at this stage and live in a place where schools, stores, church and everything else would be unfamiliar and the kids would become even more dependent on me for routine and support.  This is a good place for us.

3.  Did you know all along that Ramsy's cancer was terminal?  Yes, we did, and we were given an estimated timeline which, in the end, turned out to be reasonably accurate; but since each patient's case is unique, and in order to minimize fearfulness in our children, we chose not to talk publicly about "how long?" However, we did make it clear to our kids from the outset that their dad would eventually die from this tumor, and that we would be able to tell them when the treatment was failing so they could be prepared.  We hoped and prayed for a miracle but tried to live and parent our kids with the understanding that we might not be granted this one.  This seems to have eased their adjustment into living without their dad, and I am glad that we chose to handle it this way.

4.  What are you doing these days?  A mix of things.  I am so, so grateful that I have the privilege of choosing when I go to work again.  I know many people in my position don't have an option.  I was in a bit of an odd position when Ramsy was diagnosed: I stepped back into substitute teaching in 2009 after about 13 years away from it.  I spent 8 months in 2010 covering a maternity leave at our town's elementary school, and finished the term about a week before Ramsy went to Emergency.  This meant that I was immediately able to be at home with him full time.  We were so thankful for that!  My plan now is a little vague, but I am intending to start subbing again, likely sometime in spring, and then see what happens after that.

So for now, my days are focused on home, kids, and my own processing.  Turns out that feels like a full-time job right now, so I remind myself to use this privilege and not be in a rush to add commitments.