Thanksgiving

It is Thanksgiving Day here in Canada.  In some moments, it is difficult to be thankful.  When the pain is uppermost, I have wistfulness instead of gratitude; but the pain is not constant, and over the last almost-year, as we have traveled into the valley of the shadow of death, even as we continue wandering in that valley, we have been deeply thankful:

• that Ramsy suffered minimal pain. He had occasional headaches- not even every day, and mostly easily relieved by Tylenol 1s.  We are very aware that this is not typical of a cancer experience, and we are grateful for this mercy.
• that the tumor did not interfere with his thoughtful, loving, easy-going nature.  He retained the essence of his personality right to his last day.
• that he always knew exactly who we were.
• that the losses happened little by little.  Although enduring a year of perpetual loss has been deeply painful, it allowed me to make adjustments in the household, plan ahead with Ramsy for our finances, learn how to manage or delegate many of the tasks that he had always done, and to slowly become accustomed to being without him.  My heart aches for those of you who have had a loved one snatched away without warning.
• that our suffering was not the result of any meanness or viciousness or violence from another person.  We have been surrounded by kindness.
• that we have public health care and excellent insurance from Ramsy's employer.  Both of these, combined with the many gifts we have received, have allowed us to endure this illness and death without undue financial stress.  
• that God is trustworthy even when we do not understand how he works or doesn't work.  He promised me in the first days of Ramsy's illness that he would look after me no matter what, and so I can keep walking through this fog.  He promised us that he has prepared a place for us with him, and that in that place everything will be made right and whole, so we can be glad for Ramsy and thankful for the confidence that we will also one day be at home there.

That is only a smattering of how we have experienced grace and mercy.  I wish I had time and space and the memory to write it all down here, but I hope that gives a hint of what I want express.

So I say to you, who are in an easy part of your life, "Happy Thanksgiving," and I say to you, who are in pain too, "Happy Thanksgiving.  If God has helped us, he will help you too."

Happy Thanksgiving.